THE LOST SHADOW
Dear, Felicia
At
night, I silent in solitude and darkness accompanied by sound of
splashing rain. I am sitting in a lonely room, lit by dim little
candles, cold night wind brakes trough the window moving the flames
reflecting shadows dancing on the wall. I want to express all the
feelings that I feel for you. I write this letter because I want you to
know how much I love you. I am Fello, a men who really love you with
all my heart. Love likes an endless circle, my love for you will never
last. Although sometimes you treat me like a cactus, I will stay alive
and survive for you. All the love you give me will always be curved in
my heart.
The cold night seems to pierce my heart, like the
feeling of my heart now. At this moment, I really need you but you was
not here for me. I'm really happy was born to meet you. I will never
forget the first time we met, at the park, where you fell into round
pond. Then I tried to help pulling you out of the water but you were so
heavy. I also fell into the pond when you grabbed my hand. You laughed
at me, actually we laughed each other because we were all wet and I
looked ridiculous in front of passers-by near the pond. Somehow I who
was sad because just disappointed and very depressed because my
silhouette circular-shaped painting had been stolen. Even the painting
had been in major exhibitions and was awarded on behalf of others.
Instantly I could forget the sadness and disappointed. You cheered me
up. I was hypnotized by your smile.
The following days we tried
to get to know each other, we get closer day by day. Every time I see
you, I thank to God for having time with you and I always hope to see
you tomorrow . Your shadow always on my mind even I often dream of you.
You've changed me from a slacker to be diligent. I like feel the love
of a mother when I near you. My life was a bit because I had no spirit
when my mother died. But everything changed when I met you. Before I
know you, I could only finish one painting in several months, but then
I can make a lot of painting because you become my inspiration. I
usually bathe only once a week, but now I can do it twice a day,
because I do not want you laugh at me and say if I was very smelly.
You're so amazing in my eyes. When I was sad, you comforted me. When I
gave up, you always encouraged met to get up and excited again, even
when I got angry, you can cool me down.
Felicia, you have to know ..
I
love circle because of my mother. When she still alive, she said: "I
love you so much my lovely son." When I ask her about how much she loves
me, then she drew a circle. I do not know why she drew a circle, I
thought she just love me a little. But, then I said: "Why did you draw a
circle mom? What is the meaning of that? ". Then she Answered: "Fello,
My love for you is like a circle. A circle has no points like my love
for you will never end. " But Suddenly she left me forever. When I was
still child, she often took me to play in a circular pond in the park
where we first met. After all my sweet memories with my mom, I always
draw a circle. Anything That I draw is all about circles. Because I love
circles so much as I love my mom so much. Circle is like a shadow of
my mom. I never could forget the shadow of my past with my mom Because I
always Faithful to draw circles.
At several months you often
disappeared. But your shadow always in my mind. When we met again, I
often asked you why you often just disappear. But you never answered my
question. Then after I met you in another day, I ask you about the same
question. You answered that you have a business in a place. I tried to
believe what you said to me. But I do not know why I always still have
a doubt with you. The next day, I asked you what kind of business you
did. But you just smiled at me and it's that make me weak in front of
you. It often happens and that made me more curious about you. I'm
trying to find out about you and your secret. Because I feel if you hide
something from me.
I find it is hard for me to sleep. I often
difficult to feel sleepy because I always thinking about your shadows.
The shadow when you talked to me, the shadow when you looked at me, the
shadow of your circle eyes. I can’t forget all about you, even I can
not forget your smile that reflect you hide something from me. Do you
know what that I do when I can not sleep? I just waste my time to draw
circles..But, now I know everything about you, I know something that
you hide from me.
I am so sorry because I took your gray diary.
Actually I did not do it in purpose to take your gray diary from your
bag. It happened when you fall asleep in a chair near the room where I
always do my painting. When I wanted to make a cup of coffee and
brought it for you, accidentally you fall asleep so tight with a smile
at your sweet lips. I saw a gray book which a little bit out from your
bag. I did not know why there was an impulse to took that gray book. I
put a cup of coffee on the table and suddenly my hands took the gray
book slowly because I was afraid if you woke up. Then I went to my
bedroom to read that gray book, and I just realized that the gray book
is your diary. But suddenly you knocked at my bedroom’s door. I did not
read your gray diary, but I put it in my drawer. Then I opened the
door. Actually I felt so anxious, I was afraid if you know that I took
your gray diary. I felt a little bit relieved because you just want to
leave. I still remember that you said: “ Fello, I have to go now”,
“Because I must finish my job” Maybe I will come back next month”.
Felicia, I still remember everything that you said to me. But in fact,
more than seven month I have been waiting for you not knowing when you
will be back. Even, you never send me a letter or give me the
information about your condition. You never tell me about the address of
you live now, about the address where you have a business . Really I
feel so chaos and I am very angry with you. Until I remember that I
ever kept your gray diary in the drawer. I took your gray diary and
tried to open. I read everything in your gray diary. All of in there is
your writing. That made me shed tears is when I read this …
“God, what should I do?
I love Fello so much but I can’t be with him
I have a bad disease.
I have been cursed
Why should AIDS?
Hmm, but I must be a strong woman.!!!
GOD....
Actually I want to be his wife, but it’s not fair for him because I am a disease.
Fello, if you know about me, about my feeling..
when I smile or laugh in front of you, actually in my heart, I feel so sad and I want to cry loudly.
Every night before I sleep, I always cry. .cry..and just cry..Just cry that can relieve all of my sad.
When
I am with you, I really want to hug you and say that I love you, I
need you right now. But I always can not do that! I feel so regret
because of my last shadow.
Before we met, I ever use
drugs because I feel so broken when my parents get divorced. I fell so
down! There is no one who can help me! I feel so down and chaos! Until
God save me from that bad thing..I try to change my life better. I
never use drugs again! I hate drug so much!
I don’t want to tell you about this because I am afraid if you will leave me after you know that I am disease.
Before I die, I want to make everyone around me feel so happy near me, including you, Fello.
I love the way you talk to me..
I love the way you look at me..
I like the way you're mad at me..
I love everything about you…”
FELLO, I LOVE YOU ...”
I
could not sleep after read your diary. Everything in my mind is just
thinking of you. Why you didn’t tell me about that? I need you Felicia,
so much...!! I don’t care about your disease! I don’t care about your
shadow because I love you. I will also love your disease, love your
shadow, love everything on you. My love like a circle. Do you still
remember when I give you a ring? It is reflect that my love will never
end like a circle that has no end. Be my wife, be my future…I have
written this letter a hundred times and I have sent them to many places
you may stay. Please reply my letter if you receive it.
Love,
Fello
THANK'S FOR READING...^_*
Guys, this is the story that i made when i was still in 5th semester , when i join class of Intro.to Literature. Actually i wanna share you about the message of this story. But, i feel so sleepy now. So, my brain will not think totally.(jadi takut mubazir aja..hihi pdahal emg gbs mikir kl ngantuk) well, next time i will share it.
B honest for waiting yah... :)
Yuk!Time to: "Sedekah Comment" :)
